Well ladies, once again it seems like you’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t. I’m talking about the leadership skill of empathy. They want it, you got it, but you’re penalized if you use it too much.
People leadership has never been more challenging than it is today. During the last year and a half, managers shifted their teams to remote work, found ways to meaningfully collaborate and coped with the stress of an unprecedented way of working. Next up, The Great Resignation left managers scrambling as workers everywhere rethought why, where, and how they work. Then there’s the grappling with hybrid work and potential new shutdowns as COVID variants of concern inevitably surface. And the reckoning on race, equality, diversity, and inclusion is not going anywhere.
Leaders are being tested in ways they never have before. It’s not surprising then that new leadership skills are required (or old ones dusted off). Skills such as managing fatigue, stress, and burnout and fostering diversity, inclusion, and belonging. All of this requires empathy.
Douglas Broom, in his article recently published in the World Economic Forum, said that empathy is the most important leadership skill in our troubled times. He refers to new data from Catalyst, a not-for-profit organization for the advancement of women, which found that without empathy people feel undervalued and excluded, and more likely to quit their jobs.
The Catalyst survey found that 76% of people whose boss demonstrated empathy said they felt engaged at work while just 32% felt the same way with an unempathetic boss.
Moreover, we know that women, and particularly minority women, struggled most during the pandemic. The survey found that when a boss displayed empathy, 80% of people across all ethnic groups and genders felt valued. But when a boss lacked empathy, only 40% of non-white women felt valued.
These differences are huge. But wait, there’s more.
In the business world, empathy also encourages innovation. The effect is particularly strong with senior leader empathy such that 61% of people with highly empathic senior leaders report often or always being innovative at work compared to only 13% of people with less empathic senior leaders.
We didn’t need data to tell us that it feels good when we work for people and organizations who listen to us, who care about our circumstances, and who treat us as humans versus resources to be squeezed and squandered. But for those who need the proof. There’s lots of it.
You’d think then, if leaders displayed empathy, it would be a good thing. These empathetic leaders would be lauded, praised, regarded as role models! Especially during these uncertain times. Maybe, maybe not. If you’re a woman, you risk being seen as soft, or worse, that your empathy is an ingrained trait that doesn’t count for much.
The latest Women in the Workplace report by LeanIn.org and McKinsey & Company found that the mission-critical work of supporting employees’ well-being, and advancing diversity, equity and inclusion is disproportionally performed by women. And they aren’t being rewarded or recognized for it. While companies are reaping great rewards from these efforts, this work is being relegated to the category of office housework.
As Marianne Cooper (HBR) points out, office housework is often conflated with assumptions about what women are naturally good at or interested in. Why should you get recognized, promoted, or paid extra for this work? It’s just something you should do, because, well, you can (argg, hair pulling out moment here).
Cooper provides two real examples. When a woman manager provides team members with emotional support during a time of societal crises, it can be overlooked as “caretaking” instead of being recognized as strong crisis management. When a Black woman manager hosts a panel on anti-racism in the wake of racial violence, she can be applauded for her “passion” but not rewarded for her time, leadership, or DEI acumen.
The best leaders have always had empathy at their core. The pandemic, however, increased the importance of empathy, propelling it as a must have competency for every leader. Empathy isn’t a nice to have; it’s mission critical. If women are demonstrating these skills, they must be recognized. These times are hard enough. Why are we making them harder? Haven’t we all suffered enough?
It’s time for organizations to pay up and reward those leaders who are stepping up to manage the crisis of employment we’re currently experiencing.
It’s time to change the price tag on empathy for women.